Friday, August 15, 2008

Bigfoot found in Georgia

  I can't imagine anything better than Bigfoot.  Gimme a Yeti, an Abominable Snowman, the Fouke Monster, any big ape-like creature who can't invent fire and hangs around in the deep woods or remote mountains
  I've been tempted to buy a gorilla suit and stroll around some deercams with an unlit sheroot clamped in my teeth but this IS Texas and you'ld get shot and then ridiculed.  Obama is running.  Impersonating Bigfoot is probably a race crime.  
  Just when I think that nobody goes outside anymore: Bigfoot. 
  I used to run a newsletter for the Tyler Rose Runners.  It was full of false stories, outlandish claims and inside jokes.  One thing it did excel in was clip art of apes.  Lotta apes.  Apes along evey headline and lurking in every corner.  You just can't use too many apes if you are in Graphic Design.  People would ask me- "what's with all the damn apes in the newsletter?" and I would just give them the cryptoid look and say: "You just can't have too many monkeys."  When I threatened to publish the full series of Dogs Playing Poker they backed off.
  So it's probably improbable.  My guess is that Bigfoot has shaved and moved into the big city, strolling around with a laptop and a chewed-up cigar butt.  False papers just like the Mexicans.
  If DNA research gets to the point where we can clone dogs, Marilyn and bring back T-Rex I hope they MAKE a Bigfoot and turn him loose.  If Aliens show up in a saucer I hope they LOOK like Bigfoot instead of those asexual spoon-headed aqua folks who look like they would attract smallbore slugs.  If Bigfoot pokes his head out of a spaceship, do you think anyone is going to shoot first?  I don't think so.  Every hunter who has seen one from a deerstand doesn't even flip the safety off his 30-06.
  If, or let's say WHEN we humans perfect intergallactic travel we would be well served to give up those pure white spacesuits that make us look like interplanetary beekeepers and adapt them to look like big gorilla suits.  We are talking instant respect here.
  I can't imagine anything better than finding Bigfoot.  Can you imagine one strolling up the the Mars Lander?  I hope the guys in Georgia are right, but I'm going to be sad that its dead.  
  Gotta be a heaven for Bigfoot.
  
  

1 comment:

d smith kaich jones said...

OMG! You did NOT say some of these things out loud!

I am laughing my ass off!