Thursday, September 3, 2009

Micheal Jackson's guns

I'm sure he has worked his way through the line at the Pearly Gates by now and been processed into one place or another. Wonder if he was in the line with Mother Teresa or the line with the guy who shot the Pope? If he saw Ted Kennedy in line behind him behind him, there might be a problem. Get ready to beat it!

But I digress. Whichever line, the mortal coil he shuffled off is still down here on Earth in limbo. Now comes word that they are going to inter him in a fancy schmanzy mausoleum filled with previously deceased famous folks.

Normally it's common to pack the coffin with items dear to the departed and/or that they might need later. A jewelled glove. A Thriller CD. Extra hair gel. This months copy of "Young Buttcakes!!!"

Myself, its too late for hair gel, I got workmans hands and Thriller is like....1984. I'd just want a good weapon. Wouldn't you? Who wants to go into the afterlife without the one item that a human being uses to maintain his freedom. A tool. I'd want matches, to represent fire. (very important to us top-tier primates, but also a good firearm. Something classic, simple and rugged, since you are going to carry it for eternity. We are obviously talking 1911, or a good Mil-surp rifle like a 1903 Springfield, K98 or a Garand. You are going to have to fly with this thing, or walk, so you will also need a sling or a holster. It could be hot and rugged, so you would think folding stock M1 Carbine. On the other hand, there could be a lot of personalities who NEED more shooting, so you want some punch.

So, what firearm should MJ be sent to eternity with? Luger? Glock? Colt Pocket model .32? Jeweled Beretta 92? He doesn't seem the shotgun type but you can't be a smooth criminal unless you are packing some kind of heat.

Update: Didn't I'm Bad and Beat it just scream for a little firearm-enforced order? MJ was worse than MacGyver about guns, but I gotta say: I think he's going to need one and soon!

6 comments:

GeorgeH said...

It's got to be a 1911, since you will want timeless rather than trendy, and a stainless model, since maintenance will probably be infrequent. As your one gun for some time, it deserves some tasteful engraving, perhaps the bulino engraving of art deco nekkid women that has shown up on some very high dollar shotguns.

Anonymous said...

Michael Jackson. . . .hmmmmm. . .
Non- mechanically minded (remember the burnt hair?). Not exactly a man's man.

How about John Browning's last and greatest, the High Power in 9mm? Easy to use, should be easy to maintain, low recoil, a respectable piece.

B Woodman
III-per

d smith kaich jones said...

Oh, I've got the perfect weapon. It's white and it doesn't shoot anything, if you get my drift. That old white Parade rifle. You know the one.

:) Debi

Old NFO said...

Yeah, yeah, the 03A3 drill rifle with the plugged barrel! All shiny and polished with the white sling only to be handled by white gloves! Good call SKJ! :-)

Jerry said...

He is still dead.

70 days between death and burial? Were they expecting him to rise from the dead?

Disgusting.

Robin said...

Jerry, it takes time to assemble all the parts, I think that his nose is still in the plastic surgeon's bucket.

MJ would be carrying a pearl handled Colt 1903 pocket auto.