But I digress. Whichever line, the mortal coil he shuffled off is still down here on Earth in limbo. Now comes word that they are going to inter him in a fancy schmanzy mausoleum filled with previously deceased famous folks.
Normally it's common to pack the coffin with items dear to the departed and/or that they might need later. A jewelled glove. A Thriller CD. Extra hair gel. This months copy of "Young Buttcakes!!!"
Myself, its too late for hair gel, I got workmans hands and Thriller is like....1984. I'd just want a good weapon. Wouldn't you? Who wants to go into the afterlife without the one item that a human being uses to maintain his freedom. A tool. I'd want matches, to represent fire. (very important to us top-tier primates, but also a good firearm. Something classic, simple and rugged, since you are going to carry it for eternity. We are obviously talking 1911, or a good Mil-surp rifle like a 1903 Springfield, K98 or a Garand. You are going to have to fly with this thing, or walk, so you will also need a sling or a holster. It could be hot and rugged, so you would think folding stock M1 Carbine. On the other hand, there could be a lot of personalities who NEED more shooting, so you want some punch.
So, what firearm should MJ be sent to eternity with? Luger? Glock? Colt Pocket model .32? Jeweled Beretta 92? He doesn't seem the shotgun type but you can't be a smooth criminal unless you are packing some kind of heat.
Update: Didn't I'm Bad and Beat it just scream for a little firearm-enforced order? MJ was worse than MacGyver about guns, but I gotta say: I think he's going to need one and soon!