Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Biggest Losers


  All the news yesterday, (and I prefer this to them biting and spitting at each other) but....sheesh.  The guys who wrecked the country, all together for lunch with the guy who is determined to seal the deal for good.  
  Bush the elder: Betrayer of the Reagan Legacy, act I.  (Read my lips.  I'll have the veal with asparagas spears and dill sauce.)  Clinton: warrior-king and savior of LGBTs everywhere, Carter, the guy who gave away Panama and fanned the flames of all present mideast wars while managing the Whitehouse tennis court schedule.  W: Destructor of the Republican Party.
  Big Government guys all.  Freedom bashing, BOR bending, budget-busting guys who COULD have made a difference to humanity but instead held the door for disaster after disaster.  
  The modern presidents, swapping jokes and patting each other on the back.  
  Nice job, you......patriots.
  I notice Obama is the only one protecting his crotch.  I guess the other guys have been de-balled by the experience.

Update:  Any person with common sense could sort the whole mess out in about six months with the hard stuff being done in the first week.  Want some hope and change?  Here's a rough sketch:

Day One:  Cancel the bailout.  Privatize SS.   Cancel Medicare.  End the Drug War.  Abolish the departments of Education, Housing, Homeland Security and anyone else standing around.  Announce the vetoing of any spending bill without a 10% cut-(not in the increase, but in actual baseline budget).  That's day one.

  Day Two:  March with the press to the steps of the capital and demand Congress institute term limits.  Three sessions for the house and two for senate.  Effective immediately.  Everything will be vetoed until that passes.  Period.  Photo-op: Toss Ted Kennedy and Ralph Hall off the Capitol steps by the scruff of the neck.  That afternoon you announce that the southern border will be sealed by airmobile infantry with National Guard beefing up the checkpoints.  You also announce that the immigration service will streamline and simplify their procedures and policies so that workers will be able to come and work.  Then you fly to Laredo and have a photo op tossing two illegal border crossers back into Mexico by the scruff of the neck.  Any out of work bureaucrats from DC are invited to apply at the Border within 48 hours.

  Day Three:  Announce the end of corporate welfare including agricultural money.  Photo-op: You pound ears of corn into the gas tank of a Prius, then set the whole thing on fire.

  Day Four:  Play golf.  In the afternoon you announce US withdrawal from UN.  Announce closing of UN in New York and invite them to set up in Kenya or Iceland.  For a photo-op that evening you catch two drunk Coraguyayan ambassadors coming out of a dance club and toss them into their double-parked limos by the scruff of the neck.

  Day Five:  Live press conference where you shoot at the press with a paintgun while answering any question with "Tough shit."

  Day Six:  Start the issuing of 1,000,000 pardons for all gun law violators, drug violators, tax law violators, et.  For a photo-op you toss a tax cheat and a medical marijuana inmate out of the front gate of a Virginia Federal Prison by the scruff of the neck.

  Day Seven:  Abolish the IRS and institute the Fair Tax.  Announce the end of 70% of foreign aid.  For a photo-op you toss a complete copy of the tax code from the top of the Washington Monument.  That night a Marine helicopter carrier off Zimbawe sends a team to kill Mugabe's presidential guard and turn he and his cabinet over to the crowd outside. 

  Second Week:  You pound a handmade sign in the yard outside the Whitehouse that reads:  "Want Something?  Apply inside."  You abolish the BATFE and auction all contents of federal evidence rooms on Gunbroker.  Photo-op:  You nail a copy of the Bill of Rights on the doors of the Supreme Court.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well said.

Anonymous said...

Oh the update made a good post into an AWESOME post.

d smith kaich jones said...

You are SMOKIN"!!!!!

Rabbit said...

I'm in.

In case it doesn't happen, can we get together a road trip to the Capitol this spring? That'd give me time to build a guillotine to trailer along.

To paraphrase Voltaire, "sometimes you have to kill one to make an example to the rest".

To paraphrase myself, "Half done is just begun".

...just getting in touch with my inner Viking.

Regards,
Rabbit.

Anonymous said...

I'll bring the hammer and nail.

wv: "sackin" self-explanatory.

catfish said...

Excellent plan.

When do we start?

Anonymous said...

We don' need no steenking fair tax. With the personal income tax gone, FedGov would still have 2/3 of it's income. A decent start. A real tax cut doesn't need to be "paid for".

Sebastian said...

It's change I could believe in.