Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Dry Run


 Tuesday morning at about 4:00am the Redhead woke me.  Someone, she said, had just knocked on the front door.
  Our front door isn't the easiest, most direct front door to find, though it is the main door.  It's down a twisting narrow sidewalk.  There are other doors to choose from.  It's up a spiral staircase.  I kill the lights after midnight to save electricity, so it's damn dark.
  I HEAVILY tip the pizza delivery guy who can find it in daylight, much less after sundown.  
  Since I raised a teenager, I'm cranky about phone calls after 9:30, much less visitors.  This neighborhood isn't the best, so we are careful.  And don't nose this around, but I've got a gun in here as well.  Big gun.  Maybe more than one.  And the Redhead will shoot your ass as well.
  So I roll out of bed, grab a good flashlight and pistol.........
  But I loaned the Good Doctor Sneed my pistola so he could shoot his CCL with a .45.  No 220 on the nightstand.
  I'm armed with the Band of Brothers paperback, a remote control, a Midway catalog and a coffee cup full of pens.  There's a glass of water the cat has been drinking out of.  Maybe some toenail clippers.
  I COMPLETELY forget there is a AR Carbine with 30 round loaded clip UNDER the bed.  Completely.  It's wiped from my mind like an old girlfriends birthday.  I think Garand.  I think shotgun.  I rumage around in a pistol box for my match 1911 Les Baer.  No loaded clips, no ammo.  I look out the peephole.  Dark.  Finally I remember my computer room rifle, a Standard Products M1 Carbine with clip on the shelf next to it.  (who could object to being shot with such a fine rifle?)  I stand next to the door, slap the magazine, drop the bolt, hit the outside lights, look, open the door and start sweeping.   Nobody on the landing.  Corner clear.  Yard clear.  Side yard clear, back corner clear.  Treeline clear.  Yard exits clear.
  Nobody nowhere.
  Of course I am doing this a la carte.  No clothes.  Knock on the door at 4:00am and you get a naked, angry man with a metal flashlight zestfully searching the ornamental shrubbery so he can shoot your nocturnal butt with an antique Nazi killer.
  I circle the cars, I orbit the house, I peruse the neighbors holdings.
  Nothing.
  The front door is metal.  Knocks on it are distinct.  The Redhead is about as prone to fantasy as a sensible man.

12 comments:

smith kaich jones said...

Oh baby. You were going commando in every sense of the word.

:) Debi

Len said...

You can't be TOO careful at 4AM.

Cepik said...

I use a Sygma (9mm) and leave the shotgun for Princess (she can just point and shoot). Night time attire is boxers from Academy. Did you ever determine who or what it was (a long time ago, I had neighbors who used to beat each other silly before they split, it was usually one of them at those hours.

I came over from Alphecca, you have a great blog.

chubirka said...

Now your sounding like my good friend Florey...

catfish said...

Glad it worked out OK.

Maybe you can put one of your deer cameras at the front door. ;)

Sebastian said...

You sir, are hard core. I don't know how I didn't have you on my RSS feed before.

DJK said...

Naked at 4 am clearing the property with an antique rifle.

I LOVE IT! Nice work... Glad you are safe.


I came here from SnowflakesinHell...

chris said...

Shoulda duct taped a ceramic plate to your chest before going outside, but other than that, well done

:-D

Ride Fast said...

[...] We don't dial 911 [...]

ExistingThing said...

"Sir, I would object more readily to your having shot me were you not wielding such a magnificent piece of history, and exceptional manner of weaponry."

Anonymous said...

Been there, done that......
Not fun for the Boy's when it's 40 degrees but I cleared the place.
Last time was BG breaking into my truck and the better half went out on the balcony with her 9. Too late, got camera,range finder, cel phone. Nips were like rocks and she was pissed.

Jim Manley said...

Pity it was after 3 a.m., you could have just called Hillary.